So if you talked with my husband, Mom, or kids you would be most likely to see the real me as they are often the ones I turn to (especially my Husband and Mom of course, the kids just sometimes get stuck with "cranky Mom") when I'm frustrated and need to cry or "vent". They are such blessings to me and constant love and support!
Admittedly I have real bad days through this adoption process and other things in life: Days where I get mad at Haiti's government officials, mad at American officials, hurt when I see other peoples children coming home when they have waited less then half the time we have (not mad at them and clearly it's not their fault), mad at the world, and yes-- sometimes just flat out mad at God (insert sounds of shock here). I confess it to God...it's not like he doesn't know my attitude, and He's faithful to set me straight again.
Fortunately God does not allow me to stay in these self pity funks for long. But they do come from time to time and I've thrown more tantrums then I would like to openly admit to. :)
Recently I was having a particularly mad at the world kind of attitude. That day I was sent this link:
http://www.xanga.com/no_Im_not_a_nurse
They are seeking help of donations, specifically for stackable cots as many kids are sleeping bunched together on hard floors while struggling with survival due to severe health problems. Please check it out and see if you are able and called to help.
Then this same friend sent me to a link to watch news clips about the restaveks (child slaves) in Haiti. I was so choked up as I listened and accepted the reality of the situations that other people live. I thanked God that he spared our children from such lives, and my heart was broken from those that have not been spared from unimaginable pains due to a fallen world.
Please take a moment to see the video's on this link:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20399594
There are 2 video's one is called No Place Called Home and the other is Stuck On the Streets.
I then look at the kinds of things that get me "stressed" and "upset" as I pout or throw a fit and complain to God about the "unfair" things in my life... meanwhile I'm doing it in excellent health, in a big safe home with lots of food, many people who love me, and most importantly knowledge and experience of God's sacrifice and great love... and yet I complain about my "problems". I have no serious problems! When I look at the things I get upset about in the light of what others face I marvel that God does not just go ahead and strike His very ungrateful child with lightning (clearly he is a God of mercy). I'm a woman blessed WAY beyond anything I could ever deserve. I pray that God would continue to open my eyes to this and continue to create in me a thankful heart for a life that is heaped to overflowing with great blessings, and show me how I can use all these blessings He's entrusted me with to bless others.
(I know... I'm totally rambling again...thanks for baring with me. It's great to be able to pour out all these thoughts so that they are not all jumbled up in my head!)
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2 comments:
Angela - thanks for sharing. I think we all have these days where we just are mad at God. It's so easy to get caught up in ourselves - but then I too think of how selfish that was when I think about all I have and about how little other have. But you're right, He is forgiving, and gracious and merciful despite the unworthiness of our actions and thoughts.
Angela,
I think you stated that so beautifully. Our troubles are really light and not burdensome when compared to Haiti's. But it is through those times of whining and complaining that we are most open to hearing God teaching. It's been a long hard road, but look at the Angela who started back at the beginning and look at the Angela God is now using for His glory. It's an amazing, wonderful, horrible journey to be so used by the Father. Praying your kiddos are home soon. Bless you.
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