Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Bad Parenting

"What man among you having a hundred sheep and losing one of them would not leave the ninety-nine in the desert and go after the lost one until he finds it?
And when he does find it, he sets it on his shoulders with great joy
and, upon his arrival home, he calls together his friends and neighbors and says to them, 'Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep.'
I tell you, in just the same way there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous people who have no need of repentance. Luke 15:4-7

When is a Chef bad in the kitchen?

When he beats an egg!

Monday, January 29, 2007

Are you talking to me?

A jogger running down a country road is startled as a horse yells at him, "Hey! Come over here, buddy!"The jogger is stunned, but runs over to the fence where the horse is standing and asks, "Are you talking to me?"The horse replies, "Yes, I am. Listen, I've got a problem. I won the Kentucky Derby a few years ago, but then this farmer bought me, and now all I do is pull a plow. I'm sick of it. Why don't you run up to the house and offer him $5,000 to buy me? I'll make you some real money, 'cause I can still run."
A talking horse? Dollar signs go off in the jogger's head. Proceeding to the farmhouse, he finds the old farmer sitting on the porch. "Say, old man, I'll give you $5,000 for that old, broken-down nag you've got out in the field." Replies the farmer, "Son, don't get all excited. He's lying. He's never even been to Kentucky ..."

Don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about it's own things. Matthew 6:34

What do cops use to arrest pigs?


Sunday, January 28, 2007


Thank you God for friends! I have a friend Carrie that I always call when times get tough. She's just a joy and a crack up.

Here are some of my favorite recent examples of Carrie-isms:

One day I called Carrie in tears because I felt very humiliated. I had been to an occupational therapy appointment and started having a seizure on the massage table. The nurse that was with me swung open the privacy curtains and called for help and I'm pretty sure everyone that was working that day was squeezed into my little cubbie. They also left the curtains open so that everyone in the PT gym stopped what they were doing while around 40 strangers watched me convulse! After the appointment I called Carrie in tears and while sharing the story with her she had some crazy thoughts going on in her cute head. She pictured me on a massage table having those seizures, thought about how most people on massage tables are not wearing anything and as soon as I was done telling her my saga she asked me "Where you naked"? That made me laugh and I reasured her that during OT I keep my clothes on. Now whenever something goes wrong we tell each other "It could be worse..you could have been naked!"

Recently I told her about my frustrations about having to wait so long to complete our adoption and that I know longer believed they were really coming home (frusterated sarcasm) and she asked me if I thought when they were finally ready to come home if I would need to adopt their spouses and children as well. Cracked me up again!

Today she asked me if I knew what they call a woman with a tubal ligation and a man with a vasectomy. The answer was: parents!

No matter the problem she's always able to make me laugh and suddenly problems end with "At least I wasn't naked" tacked to the end of it.

Thank you God for friends!!

TODAY'S BIBLE VERSE: 1 Corinthians 13
Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated,
it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,
it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Talking Back

Jim called his kids together, held up a toy and asked them who should get it.

"Who never talks back to mother and does everything she says?"

Three small voices answered in unison. "Okay, Dad, you can have it."

Joyful are those who listen to me, watching for me daily at my gates, waiting for me outside my home! Proverbs 8:34

Whats full of holes but still holds water?

A sponge.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Sharing Our Personal Joy again

Today we received our once a month update from the orphanage. Usually these are very exciting for us. This one , however, caused us a lot of concern. As you can see from the picture Lovenie looks very ill, Jude looks very unhappy, and Stephanie (who is usually radient) looks like she is forcing her smile. This picture, especially of Lovenie, had us very concerned and we made a rare phone call to the director of the Orphanage to find out what's going on.

That's when we heard unbelievable news. For anyone that does not know: Lovenie had a stroke at 10 months old and we had heard was pretty severely mentally and physically disabled. We were unsure if she would ever be able to walk but had hope that maybe someday with lots of therapy....she may just walk. HOWEVER, she started walking two days ago!!!! She's 2 1/2 and just took her first steps. I sure wish I could have been there to see it. Nevertheless- We are so thrilled and praising God for something so unexpected and wonderful!

In this picture Stephanie is holding a photo album that someone took to her for us. She has it open to a picture of Me and my husband on one side and our bio sons on the other. So it's the 1st picture ever with all of us in it.

Now for the bad news: The director warned us that Haiti keeps adding steps to the adoption. We thought we would be bringing our kids home in the next 4-6 weeks and now it sounds like it is more likely to be several months.

Thanks for sharing in our joy! Angela

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Understanding Mom

The "Mom" Dictionary
BATHROOM - A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self cleaning.
BECAUSE - Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically. (See: "I said so.")
COOK - 1) Act of preparing food for consumption. 2) Mom's other name.
DRINKING GLASS - Any carton or bottle left open in the refrigerator.
EAR - A place where kids store dirt.
EAT - What kids do between meals but not *at* them.EMPTY NEST - (See: "wishful thinking")ENERGY - Element of vitality kids always have in excess until asked to do something.
EXCUSE ME - One of Mom's favorite phrases, reportedly used in past times by children.
EYE - The highly susceptible visual organ which, according to Mom, can be "put out" by anything from a suction-cup arrow to a carelessly handled butter knife or by running with sharp objects.
FABLE - Story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.
FOOD - The response Mom usually gives in answer to the question "what's for dinner tonight?" HAMPER - A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not containing, dirty laundry.
HANDY WIPES = Pants, shirt sleeves, drapes, etc.
HANDS - Body appendages which must be scrubbed raw with volcanic soap and sterilized in boiling water immediately prior to consumption of the evening meal.
ICE - Cubes of frozen water which would be found in small plastic trays if kids or husbands ever filled the darn things instead of putting them back in the freezer empty.
I SAID SO - Reason enough, according to Mom. (See: "Because")JOY RIDE - Going somewhere without the kids.
KISS - Mom medicine. Cures all.
LAKE - 1) Large body of water into which a kid will jump should his friends do so. 2) Not to be entered within a half hour of ingesting anything.
MOMMMMMM! - The cry of a child on another floor who wants something, but nothing in particular.
MY LAST NERVE - Ultra-sensitive neurological feature which all moms have. Often used as trampoline by children.
SOCCER - Mythical sport invented by moms so they could sit on the sidelines while children burn up lots of energy.

Continue in prayer, and watch in the same Thanksgiving. Col 4:2

What did one eye say to the other eye?

Just between you and me, Something smells!

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Understanding the Men we love


"I can't find it"
MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.
"That's women's work"
MEANS: it's difficult, dirty, and thankless.
"Will you Marry me?"
MEANS: both of my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there's no peanut butter left.
"It's a guy thing."
MEANS: there's no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.
"Can I help with dinner?"
MEANS: why isn't it already on the table?
"It would take too long to explain"
MEANS: I have no idea how it works.
"I'm getting more exercise lately"
MEANS: the batteries in the remote are dead.
"We're going to be late."
MEANS: I have a legitimate reason for driving like a maniac.
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
MEANS: I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.
"That's interesting dear."
MEANS: are you still talking?"
Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
MEANS: I forgot our anniversary again."
You expect too much from me."
MEANS: You expect me to stay awake?"
It's really a good movie."
MEANS: It's got guns, knives, and fast cars.
"You know how bad my memory is."
MEANS: I remember the words to the theme song of F-Troop, the address of the first girl I kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.
"Oh, don't fuss, I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
MEANS: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt.
"Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing."
MEANS: what did you catch me at?
"She's one of those rabid feminists."
MEANS: she refused to make my coffee.
"I heard you."
MEANS: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and hope I can fake it well enough, so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me.
"You know I could never love anyone else."
MEANS: I am used to the way YOU yell at me, and realize it could be worse.
"You really look terrific in that outfit."
MEANS: Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."
I brought you a present."
MEANS: It was free ice scraper night at the ball/hockey game.
"I'm not lost, I know exactly where we are."
MEANS: No one will ever see us alive again.
"This relationship is getting too serious."
MEANS: I like you almost as much as I like my truck.
"I don't need to read the instructions."
MEANS: I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.
"I missed you."
MEANS: I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry, and we're out of toilet paper.

Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly. Psalm 5:3

What happened to the kid that ate crackers in bed?

He had a crummy night.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Die Laughing

I have not been posting much in the last couple of days because it has been days filled with personal pain and pain for people that I love. A couple days ago a dear friend fell through the roof of an attic landing on a cement garage floor. She has been in ICU and has had some major surgeries and while celebrating that she should be able to walk again she is in unbelievable pain. My Dad has torn a muscle and has been in horrible pain. He saw the doctor today and was given shots and told to spend the week on bedrest. I also have been in terrible pain and ended up in urgent care for a shot in the back of my head for intense nerve pain and even now want to curl up in a ball and not move because I hurt all over. These are the times it's hardest to laugh and yet the times it's most important to. I am going to stray from my usual posts and instead include an encouraging article for anyone that knows pain:

Die Laughing-

Where did we come up with the term "die laughing"? How many chuckle fatalities do you suppose there really are?
As a matter of fact, I hear more studies every day that indicate the exact opposite. Studies show that a good belly laugh lowers blood pressure and boosts the immune system. That means that people who laugh more get sick less. They're better able to fight off illness. Laughter has been found to help the circulatory and respiratory systems as well. It helps chemically with stress levels, too. It even helps a person deal with pain better.
Of course, I wouldn't necessarily suggest giving this information to a woman in labor- especially if you're the husband. It's amazing how strong a woman in labor can be. No, I don't think laughing away labor would be a good suggestion for a husband who would like to leave the hospital without having to be admitted himself. And I doubt we'll ever replace "hee hee hoo" with "ha ha ha."
But if you're in the midst of some of that non-labor kind of pain, it might be just what the doctor ordered to have a little chuckle. It may seem unnatural to be laughing through pain of any kind. But since laughter helps with physical, emotional and mental health, maybe we should stop fighting it and let ourselves laugh when the time is right. I love Proverbs 17:22: "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength." (NLT) Doesn't that mean we should stop fighting the giggles and take our medicine?
Incidentally, you might be interested to know that a good belly laugh burns a few calories, too. It's medicine and it's practically aerobic! One more reason to laugh, and one more way to be inspired to work toward a merry heart. A merry heart will add "life" to your life. So go ahead. LIVE laughing!

Monday, January 15, 2007

Dear Dogs and Cats,

For all my animal loving friends-
When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way. The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm. My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. When I exit this room, I will come out the the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years. Canine attendance has never been necessary.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs' butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you. In return for your following these simple rules, I have posted the following message on our front door:
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
They live here. You don't.
If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.
To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the results.

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Philippians 4:6 NLT

Q: What is cleverer than a talking cat?
A: A spelling bee!

Friday, January 12, 2007

The Drums

An explorer was leading an entourage through the Amazon jungle when they heard the sounds of drums. At the next village, the leader stopped a native and asked him to explain their meaning. "Bad, real bad when drums stop!" he said before running off. The drum beating continued to pulsate. The safari leader asked another native about it. "Bad, real bad when drums stop!" he said and continued to run away. A few minutes later the drums did stop, and all the expedition members became panicked. The leader grabbed another villager and demanded to know the situation..."Bad, real bad that drums stop," he blurted. "Now comes bass solo!"

Never be afraid to laugh at yourself. After all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century. Dame Edna Everage

Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better. Colossians 1:10, NLT

Q: What do you take before every meal?
A: A "seat"

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Good Question

TODAY'S JOKE: Bob couldn't believe it-- he'd made it to the last round of his favorite game show.
"Congratulations, Bob," said the emcee. "Answer correctly and you go home with five million dollars!"
"This is a two part question on American History," he continued. "The second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like first?"
Bob figured he'd play it safe. "I think I'll try the second part of the question first."
The emcee nodded approvingly, while the audience was silent with anticipation. "Okay, Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen?"

GREAT QUOTE: All I've even wanted was an honest WEEK'S pay for an honest DAY'S work. - Steve Martin in Sgt. Bilko

A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body; jealousy is like cancer in the bones. Proverbs 14:30, NLT

Knock Knock Who's there?
Boo Who?
Don't Cry it's only a joke.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

For my husband and anyone else reading this from their office


Top Signs You're Bored at Work

You've already read the entire Far Side page-a-day calendar for 2007.
You discover that staring at your cubicle wall long enough produces images of Elvis.
You've figured out a way to get Gilligan off the island.
You decide to see how many Mountain Dews you can drink before the inevitable explosion occurs.
People come into your office only to borrow pencils from your ceiling.
You now require only a single can of cola to belch the names of all seven Dwarfs.
The 4th Division of Paperclips has overrun the Pushpin Infantry, and General White-Out has called for reinforcements.

(Hurry home honey, and don't hurt yourself with those pencils!)

This is the day the LORD has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24 NLT

Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all of his uncles were ants!

Monday, January 08, 2007

Demonstrating Attitude- Part Two

Demonstrating Attitude - Part II

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
And your crybaby whiney- opinion would be...?
Do I look like a people person?
This isn't an office. It's Hades with fluorescent lighting.
I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life… Psalm 23:6, NLT

Why did the dog cross the road twice?
She was trying to fetch a boomerang.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

True or not...It's kinda funny!

Recieved this today from a friend:
HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN? ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING ON THE INCIDENT. A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500.00 (with monthly payments of $560.00). He and a friend go duck hunting in upper Wisconsin. It's mid-winter; and of course all of the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the ice with their GUNS, a DOG, and of course the new NAVIGATOR. They decide they want to make a natural looking open water area for the ducks to focus on, something for the decoys to float on. Now making a hole in the ice large enough to invite a passing duck, is going to take a little more power than the average drill auger can produce. So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40 second-fuse. Now our two Rocket Scientists, afraid they might slip on the ice while trying to run away after lighting the fuse (and becoming toast, along with the Navigator), decide on the following course of action: they light the 40 second fuse; then, with a mighty thrust, they throw the stick of dynamite as far away as possible. Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the NAVIGATOR, the GUNS, and the DOG...??? Let's talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING; especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it: the dog takes off across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs the stick of dynamite, with the burning 40-second fuse, just as it hits the ice. The two men swallow, blink, start waving their arms and, with veins in their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhubarb, scream and holler at the dog to stop. The dog, now apparently cheered on by his master, keeps coming. One hunter panics, grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 bird shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, then continues on. Another shot, and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinks these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes off to find cover, UNDER the brand new Navigator. The men continue to scream as they run. The red hot exhaust pipe on the truck touches the dog's rear end, he yelps, drops the dynamite under the truck and takes off after his master. Then " "" "" "" "" " BOOOOOOOOOOOOM "" "" "" """" ! ! ! ! The truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake, leaving the two idiots standing there with "I can't believe this just happened" looks on their faces. The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED by the policy. And he still had yet to make the first of those $560.00 a month payments. The dog is okay, doing fine.

You can make this choice by loving the LORD your God, obeying him, and committing yourself firmly to him. This is the key to your life. …" Deuteronomy 30:20

What kind of player gives refunds?
A quarterback!

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Demonstrating Attitude Part I

Demonstrating Attitude Part I
I can see your point, but I still think you're an idiot.
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
Do you intentionally set aside a part of every day to humiliate yourself in public?
I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...I like you.
You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

"Live as though Christ died yesterday, rose from the grave today, and
is coming back tomorrow."
-Theodore Epp

So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. 1 Peter 5:6

What do you get if you cross a mouth with a tornado?
A tongue twister.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Marital Bliss

My wife says she holds me responsible for most of our marital problems. Just goes to show ya how much she knows - I'm never home.
I asked my wife the other day what she liked best about me; my firm, trim body or my intellect. She said, "Your sense of humor dear."
I found the neatest way to make my wife a more careful and defensive driver. I pointed out that if she's ever in an accident, the paper's gonna print her real age.
My wife is so talented. She does the best bird imitations. She watches me like a hawk.
I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
All my wife does is shop - once she was sick for a week, and three stores went under.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster, electric bread maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So what did I do? Bought her an electric chair.
My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale's. I bring her mail there twice a week.
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, "I" stayed in the bathroom and cried.
My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but can she climb a tree!She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.
She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive. Last week she learned how to aim it. I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."

TODAY'S BIBLE VERSE: Live a life filled with love for others, following the example of Christ, who loved you and gave himself as a sacrifice to take away your sins. And God was pleased, because that sacrifice was like sweet perfume to him. Ephesians 5:2, NLT

Why did the teapot blush?
She thought the kettle was whistling at her.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

The Smuggler


Juan comes up to the U.S. - Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?" "Sand," answers Juan. The guard says, "We'll just see about that - get off the bike!" The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border. A week later, the same thing happens. Again, nothing is found in the sand. The entire sequence of events repeats every week for a year. The guard never finds anything illegal. Then, one day, the guard catches a friend of Juan trying to bring illegal products into the U.S.Seeing his chance, he tells the smuggler, "You are facing a stiff prison term. I will let you go if you tell me what your friend Juan is up to."Relunctantly, the suspect answers, "Juan is smuggling bicycles."

TODAY'S BIBLE VERSE: (Encouraging truth as we begin a New Year)
"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:5-7 NAS

Why did the doctor go to work for the phone company?
He wanted to be an operator.