Saturday, December 30, 2006

This is for my Pa...

Arkansas Engineering Exam
We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South. We challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam administered by the University of Arkansas Engineering Department:
Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum.
Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? A '65 Ford Fairlane, a '69 Chevrolet Chevelle or a '64 Pontiac GTO.
If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?
A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
A coalmine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:7-10 NIV

TODAY'S KID JOKE: What's the Capital of Arkansas?

Friday, December 29, 2006

Our personal joy continues

This morning my husband told me that he heard Jer. 29:11 on the radio on the way to work this morning EVERY TIME we hear that we immediatly get news about our adoption. Just a couple hours after that I checked our emails and had an update from the orphanage letting us know that we are in the courts, a quick update on the kids, and my favorite ever picture of our children! They should be legally ours ANY DAY NOW!!! I'm so excited I can hardly sit still to type this. :) Joyfully, Angela

One of life's lessons

A young couple was touring southern Florida on their honeymoon and stopped at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes."Wow!" exclaimed the new bride. "You certainly have a dangerous job. Do you ever get bitten?""Yes, upon rare occasions," answered the handler."Well," she continued, "just what do you do when you're bitten by a snake?""I always carry a razor-sharp knife in my pocket, and as soon as I am bitten, I make deep criss-cross marks across the fang entry and then suck the poison from the wound.""What, uh... what would happen if you were to accidentally sit on a rattler?" persisted the woman."Ma'am," answered the snake handler, "that will be the day I learn who my real friends are."

For the rest, my brothers, whatever things are true, whatever things have honour, whatever things are upright, whatever things are holy, whatever things are beautiful, whatever things are of value, if there is any virtue and if there is any praise, give thought to these things. Philippians 4:8

How did Minnie Mouse save Mickey from drowning?

She gave him mouse-to-mouse resuscitation.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Sharing our personal Joy again

We are back from vacation and have some great news! For anyone following our adoption (or is adopting from Haiti) you know what a big deal it is to get your children signed out of IBESR. It is a sign that you are at the end of the adoption. We got news that this happened while we were gone. Now our paperwork goes to Haitian courts one more time (usually just takes a couple weeks) and the children will become legally ours in Haiti. After that just passports and visas! Please continue to pray for our family.

Here is an updated picture of our children, who will be legally ours any day now!!!

Friday, December 08, 2006


You may have noticed the lack of blogs in the last week. Our family is on a Fantastic vacation for nearly the whole month of December. I have very limited access to the internet while on our road trip so will not be posting for the next few weeks.

Please remember to check in with me again after December 27th!

Joyfully, Angela (currently in Austin, TX)

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Will they let just ANYONE adopt??

I found this particularly funny since we are at the end of an adoption. The joke has been altered abit to fit our Haitian adoption. This could have been us...

TODAY'S JOKE: The couple was delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them that there was a wonderful Haitian baby boy available, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Creole?" The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Haitian baby. In a year or so, when he begins to talk, we want to be able to understand him."

TODAY'S BIBLE VERSE: Your promises have been thoroughly tested, and your servant loves them. Palsm 119:140

TODAY'S KID JOKE: What do you get when you cross a policeman with an alarm clock?
A crime watch

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Funny signs

Spotted in the toilet of a London office: "Toilet out of order. Please use floor below."
In a Laundromat: "Automatic washing machines. Remove all your clothes when the light goes out."
In a London department store: "Bargain Basement upstairs."
In an office: "Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday bring it back, or further steps will be taken."
In an office: "After tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board."
Outside a secondhand shop: "We exchange everything -- bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?"
Notice in health food shop window: "Closed due to illness."
Spotted in a safari park: "Elephants stay in your car."
Seen during a conference: "For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care center on the 1st floor."
Notice in a farmer's field: "The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges."
Message on a leaflet: "If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons."
On a repair shop door: "We can repair anything. Please knock on the door -- the bell doesn't work."

TODAY'S BIBLE VERSE: For to us a child is born, to us a son is given;and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6

TODAY'S KID JOKE: (Kyle L. age 8)
How did they catch the crooks at the pig farm?
Someone squealed.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Mad Cow

TODAY'S JOKE: A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."

FUNNY QUOTE: "You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing." -- Michael Pritchard

TODAY'S BIBLE VERSE: And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, [it was] very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day. Gen. 1:31

TODAY'S KID JOKE: Why can't you play hide-and-seek with poultry in a Chinese restaurant?
Because of the peking duck.

Friday, November 24, 2006

Tips for the years biggest shopping day!

Top Ten Gifts Your Wife Doesn't Want For Christmas
10. A car wash kit
9. A table saw
8. Two all-day passes to Circuit City's Home Theatre Installation Seminar
7. A case of oil
6. Five-year subscription to Sports Illustrated
5. Custom engraved bowling ball
4. New outboard motor for fishing boat
3. Rambo Trilogy on DVD
2. New satellite dish with sports package
1. Three-year membership to Weight-Watchers Clinic

Top Ten Gifts Your Husband Doesn't Want For Christmas
10. Anne of Avonlea/Anne of Green Gables Collectors Edition with 74 minutes of extra footage
9. Any knick-knack
8. Tickets to the ballet
7. Another new tie
6. A Bath and Body Works Soap Basket
5. New teddy bear pajamas
4. Vacuum cleaner
3. A weekend seminar on "Getting in Touch With Your Feelings"
2. Pair of fuzzy bunny slippers
1. A nose and ear hair trimmer (OK, well maybe.)

TODAY'S BIBLE VERSE: Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.
Hebrews 12:1

TODAY'S KID JOKE: Where does a sheep go after high school?

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Twas the Night of Thanksgiving

'Twas the Night of Thanksgiving"
Twas the night of Thanksgiving, But I just couldn't sleep. I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep The leftovers beckoned --- The dark meat and white, But I fought the temptation with all of my might. Tossing and turning with anticipation...... The thought of a snack became infatuation..... So I raced to the kitchen, Flung open the door, And gazed at the fridge full of goodies galore. I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes, Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes. I felt myself swelling so plump and so round, Till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground !! I crashed through the ceiling. Floating into the sky.... With a mouthfull of pudding and a handful of pie, But I managed to yell as I sored past the trees....... HAPPY EATING TO ALL !! PASS THE CRANBERRIES PLEASE !!

TODAY'S BIBLE VERSE: I will praise God's name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving.
Psalm 69:30, New International Version

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Say Uncle

More great jabs (in loving fun of course) at our relatives:

My Uncle Newt is as strong as a horse. We just wish he had the I.Q. of one.

I feel sorry for my poor, goofy uncle. We can't let him have anything sharp- like a mind.

He's very goofy. When the cuckoo bird comes out of the clock every hour, he tries to pull my uncle back in with him.

My uncle remains a bachelor. He hasn't let a woman pin anything on him since he wore diapers.

He belongs to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever he feels like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and curlers to burn his toast for him.

A GREAT QUOTE: "Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can." -- Elsa Maxwell

TODAYS BIBLE VERSE: Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name. 1 Ch. 29:13

TODAY'S KID JOKE: (Kyle, age 8)
What is a vampires favorite Holiday?

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Big Families and Pesky brothers

Again, in honor of the upcoming Thanksgiving, more one-liners about family:

My parents had a large family. The only way they could afford to feed us all was to start a game of hide-and-seek right before dinner.

There were so many kids in diapers in our family that our house was the only one on the block with a rainbow over it.

My little brother was a mean, vicious child. He would always hit me back.

My little brother used to break all my toys, lose parts of all my games, and louse up all my coloring books. I could never catch him at it because I was in my college classes all day.

My brother likes all his meat to be cooked extra well done. He doesn't like it to come with a baked potato; he likes it to come with an arson inspector.

TODAY'S BIBLE VERSE: Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever." Psalm 107:1

TODAY'S KID JOKE: (Kyle, age 8)
What kind of wave can you not swim in?
A microwave

Friday, November 17, 2006

It's all Relative

Thanksgiving is almost here so I thought I would celebrate it for the next couple of days with one-liners about relatives (we know there is at least one in every family, and yet were all convinced we are not it!)

My sister just had a baby. I can't wait to find out if I'm an aunt or an uncle.- Gracie Allen

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance- waiting to get into the bathroom- Bob Hope

My brother is very superstitious. He won't work any week that has a Friday in it.- Milton Berle

My crazy brother-in-law! I wish he would learn a trade; that way we'd know what kind of work he's out of.- Henry Youngman

They call it a family tree because if you look hard enough, you'll always find some sap in it.

TODAY'S BIBLE VERSE: You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever. Psalm 30:11-12 (NIV)

TODAY'S KID JOKE: (Jonathon B. age 11)
What do you get when you cross a Pit Bull and a Collie?
A dog that bites off your arm and then runs to get help

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Sharing the joy

Do you see a joke you just HAVE to share with a friend or family member? There is an envelope at the bottom of each blog. Click on it and it will allow you to send an individual post to an email of your choice. OR you could refer them to this blogsite. Everyone is welcome... the more the merrier!

Shakin' up Thanksgiving

Things proven to change the course of Thanksgiving
1. During the middle of the meal, turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was four months past its expiration date. You were worried for nothing."
2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught" and refuse to say anything more.
3. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake
4. Prepare a several hour long speech to give when asked about your thankfulness. If necessary, insist that no one leave or eat until you have finished the speech.
5. Bring along old recorded football games and pop them in the VCR when dad's not looking. Make sure it is set to the last two minutes of the game when he comes into the room, turn off the VCR, and then turn on the regular TV.
6. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms. Request that she bring photos.

TODAY'S BIBLE VERSE: I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full and well. Psalm 139: 14

TODAY'S KID JOKE: (Joshua, age 9)
What is a frog and a chair put together?
A toadstool

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Explosively Funny

Joe and Dave are hunting when Dave keels over. Frantic, Joe dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts, "My friend just dropped dead! What should I do?"
A soothing voice at the other end says, "Don't worry, I can help. First, let's make sure he is really dead."
After a brief silence, the operator hears a shot. Then Joe comes back to the phone.
"Okay," he says nervously to the operrator. "What do I do next?"

TODAY'S BIBLE VERSE: Even in darkness lightness dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man. Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely, who conducts his affairs with justice. Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever. Psalm 112: 4-6

TODAY'S KID JOKE: Why do spiders do so well in computer classes?
They love the Web.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Making fun of lifes tough moments

After 10 or 11 weeks without any seizures I have started having them again the last couple of days. Even this can be laughed at:

TODAY'S JOKE: (Kind of- it was an actual comment from my husband)

My Father was telling us about a woman who was having a seizure during service at church one morning. My Dad said that the message was stopped and together everyone began to pray for her. Very sweet... right? My husband, in a very serious voice, told him that they were wrong to do this. When we questioned him further on why he said that he calmly commented that the bible tells us to pray without seizing!

(FYI- when with me while I have a seizure, please disregard my husbands joke and start praying!)

TODAY'S BIBLE VERSE: (the verse used for the word play in the above joke)
Pray without ceasing. 1 Thess. 5:17

TODAY'S KID JOKE: (Kyle L. age 8) Why wouldn't the canary pay for his date's dinner?
He was too cheep!

Sharing our personal JOY:

I wanted to share with you all what brings us a great amount of joy! Today I received that once a month exciting email with the subject: Update. Instant Joy! The second photo is of our children. For those that do not know: These are our newest family members that are waiting for us at an orphanage in Haiti. They are Stephanie age 11 , Jude age 9 (in a couple weeks), and Lovenie age 2. Their paperwork is still stuck in IBESR which means we still have at least 2-3 months to go. No problem...all in God's timing is what it's all about!

Top photo: Here is another picture of our beautiful Stephanie. She is the one in white. She is with her girlfriends at the orphanage. Does anyone recognize these pretty girls? (they are being adopted by friends!)

Friday, November 10, 2006


TODAY'S JOKE: If You Give A Mom A Muffin
If you give a mom a muffin, she'll want a cup of coffee to go with
She pours herself some.
Her 3-year old will spill the coffee.
She'll wipe it up.
Wiping the floor, she will find some dirty socks.
She'll remember she has to do the laundry.
When she puts the laundry in the washer,
she'll trip over some boots and bump into the freezer.
Bumping into the freezer will remind her that she has to plan
She will take out a pound of hamburger.
She'll look in her cookbook
(101 Things to Make with a Pound of Hamburger).
The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail.
She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow.
She will look for her checkbook.
The checkbook is in her purse that is being dumped out by her 2-year
She'll smell something funny.
She'll change the 2-year old.
While she is changing the 2-year old, the phone will ring.
Her 5-year old will answer and hang up.
She'll remember that she wants to phone a friend to come for
Thinking of coffee reminds her that she was going to have a
She will pour herself some.
And chances are, if she has a cup of coffee, her kids will have
eaten the muffin that went with it

Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy. 1 Peter 1:8

TODAY'S KID JOKE: (Joshua, age 9)
What is a scientist's favorite kind of gum?

Thursday, November 09, 2006


TODAY'S JOKE: A young man called directory assistance. "Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, AZ."
"There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix, " the operator replied. "Do you have a street name?"
The young man hesitated, and then said, "Well, most people call me Ice Man..."

TODAY'S BIBLE VERSE: Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. Psalm 107: 28-29

TODAY'S KID'S JOKE: (Kyle L. age 8)
A woman was having lunch with her two friends and asked them where she could buy windows. The first friend, who loved building things, said, "Try a hardware store."
The second friend said, "What are you talking about? Try a software store!"

(Kyle would like to explain: windows in your home or windows on you computer?)

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Teaching the teacher

TODAYS JOKE: A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".The teacher asked, " What if Jonah went to hell? "The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

GREAT QUOTE: Always read books that will make you look good if you die in the middle of them.

TODAY'S BIBLE VERSE: For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

TODAY'S KIDS JOKE: (compliments of our friend Jonathon B. age 11 on Monday. Happy Birthday Jonathon!) What did the grape say when the elephant sat on him? Nothing, he just let out a little whine...

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Email Hazards:

Today's Joke: (compliments of Athena H.)

A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the samehotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor,and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2004
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I'vejust arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.

Today's Bible Verse: "However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, If only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me--the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace" Acts 20:24

Joke For the Kids: (Compliments of Joshua B., age 9)

How do you stop your water from running?

Don't pay your bill!

Monday, November 06, 2006

A little treat for my friends in Texas:

TODAY'S JOKE: Psychiatry students were in their Emotional Extremes class. "Let's set some parameters," the professor said. "What's the opposite of joy?" he asked one student.
"Sadness" he replied.
"The opposite of depression?" he asked another student.
"Elation," he replied.
"The opposite of woe?" the prof asked a young woman from Texas.
The Texan replied "Sir, I believe that would be giddyup."

TODAY'S BIBLE VERSE: "Be still, and know that I am God." Psalms 46:10

A JOKE FOR YOUR KIDS: Posted by Kyle Laughlin (8 years old tomorrow!)

A magician has been working on a cruise ship doing the same act for many years. The audiences like him, and they change often enough that he doesn't have to worry about finding new tricks. But the captain's parrot sits in the back row and watches him night after night. After a while, the parrot figures out how the tricks work and starts giving the secrets away to the audiences. When the magician makes a bouquet of flowers disappear, for instance, the parrot squawks, "Behind his back! Behind his back!" Well, the magician gets really annoyed at this, but he doesn't know what to do, since the parrot belongs to the captain. One day the ship springs a leak and sinks. The magician manages to grab hold of a plank of wood and floats on it. The parrot flies over and sits on the other end. They drift and drift for three days without speaking. On the morning of the fourth day, the parrot looks over at the magician and says, "Okay, I give up. Where did you hide the ship?"

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Labor's English lesson- Day One of blog!!

For a long time I have thought about starting a blog site devoted to laughter. My goal is to post daily or nearly daily: jokes, funny or inspiring quotes, scriptures, stories, or family fun ideas. Please feel free to email me at with stories, jokes, or quotes of your own that you think would be great to share on this site!

Here is todays joke: My wife was in labor with our first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly she began to shout, "Shouldn't, Couldn't, Wouldn't, Didn't, Can't!"

"Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?"

"Nothing. She's just having contractions."

Today's insperational bible verse: "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11