Thursday, April 09, 2009

Many Changes

So it has been a little over a week since Stephanie has been out of our home and I think maybe I might be ready to share an update. Whew... things have been so heartbreaking around here. We find ourselves in that place of having to totally rely on God to get us through it.

Stephanie is currently at a Christian Therapeutic Group Home. She is safe and is with a couple (without children in the home) that is very kind to her but strict as well. This couple is such an answer to prayers. She is very homesick and wants to come back home to us but we can not and will not let that happen any time soon (if ever). Please continue to pray for her and pray for our hearts as we struggle with our relationship with her. This group home is likely a very temporary situation as it is costing us thousands a month. Not something, short of a miracle, that we can do for long. Ideally we would still like to find her a family that would be willing to adopt her through adoption disruption. We think she would thrive best in a home where there would not be young or mentally disabled children. If we cannot find her a home we may be left with little option and have to allow CPS to take over. :(

Now that she is out of the home Lovenie seems to have let the floodgates of pain open. She does not speak much (because of the stroke) but communicates by words as much as she can and the rest she communicates with dolls and pointing. Please please pray for Lovenie as she is for the first time grieving what has been happening to her.

The whole thing is just really sad! It is so hard to comfort Lovenie by day and then in the evenings talk with Stephanie and comfort and encourage her too. We know what has happened has been a result of so much pain in her life too. Some days it is easy to extend her grace and other days I struggle with anger and not wanting to be in a situation where I have to talk with her. I had a very honest talk with her about this recently and told her that some days we can talk but there will be other days she'll just have to give me some space to work through this all too.

It's still a very dark time with a lot of unknowns. I keep trying to cling to the fact that God made it clear that He already has it figured out but it is so easy to slip back into fear or trying to "solve" it all myself.

Now some positives~ While I was away at the retreat Jim went into Lovenie and Stephanie's room and removed all of Stephanie's things. Jim had Lovenie give him input and was so sensitive about making sure she was okay with what he was doing. He then set the room up to surround her with things that are only for HER. Stressing that this is only her room now. She smiled and clapped her hands and has been spending so much time in there. The way he did it and the sensitivity he used makes me so very proud of my husband.

I keep watching and waiting for Jude to start acting out over all that is happening. He has not. He has been a real joy and does not seem to be taking it all too hard. He says he understands why his sister had to go somewhere else and he is protective over Lovenie. Honestly, there has been a real peace in our home when we are not in the thick moments of dealing with the issues. I had not realized how much stress we had been under for the last 8 months until Stephanie was gone. It makes me sad to realize how much tension our family had been living with each day, and worse, how much fear our children were living with. The overall reaction from all the kids seems to be one of great relief.

We have never been in a situation like this and are constantly asking ourselves if we are handling it well and making good decisions. It's so tough. No one can tell us what to do~ it is for us to work through while trusting in God to lead us through it. I know there are times that we probably say or do the wrong things but we can only pray that God will smooth it over and help us continue on.


Amanda said...

I continue to be speechless when it comes to your situation. It's so very sad, but I'm so glad to know that you have a Comforter. May God continue to give you all peace and safety.

Thanks again for the encouraging friend that you are!

Anonymous said...

I'll be praying for your family.


Ericka said...

no words here, but know I am praying praying for healing for your family.
lots of hugs sweetie.