Monday, April 06, 2009

I've Been A Silly Silly Girl

I have returned home from one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen~ Lake Tahoe. I was able to rest, read, and worship. I spent precious alone time with God and was able to just be still and really HEAR Him and feel his presence. So Great!

The last few days leading up to the retreat were not so great. Now that Stephanie is out of the home Lovenie has felt safe to tell us what has been happening. Have you ever thought it might be possible that your heart could actually shatter from aching? I held her while she chattered and cried. I listened when she talked without asking more then she wanted to tell or trying to distract her. It occurred to me that this precious little girl has never had anyone to protect her, hear her, and hold her while she cries. I'm determined to do all I can to end that here and now. Once she would go back happily about her play I would be free to go to my room and sob and sob. Then I had to deal with some feelings of anger about it all. It wasn't pretty. On top of all of that the heavy stress about what to do about the situation we are now in has been nearly unbearable. The thoughts of what we should do now and how to help everyone had consumed my every waking thought.

This weekend I got alone with God and He gently told me that I am being a silly silly girl. What do I think I can accomplish with all my efforts? I could never heal the hurt in our children. I could never personally figure out an answer an how to handle this all. Then He hit me with the whopper~~~ It is not my problem to solve! What? It sure feels like our problem to solve, but it is not and has never been. This has been God's show all along. He already has the answer and will reveal it to us when it is time. All He asks of us is to have a willing heart to do whatever part of it He calls us to. God brought my attention to this verse: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," Says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher then the earth, So are my ways higher then your ways, And my thoughts then your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

Knowing this is the truth WHY would I even try to come up with my own plan? I need to step back and remember that I was never intended to control the situation. Whew, What a huge relief that is!

He also brought my attention to: The chastisement for our Peace was upon Him and by His stripes we are HEALED. Isaiah 53:5 This is a verse I've heard many times before but it took on new meaning to me. Not just healed from our sins but healed from ALL things that sin creates. It was a sweet promise to cling to that God is at work in Stephanie and I believe with all my heart He will heal the many hurts that has been done to her. She will come out of this stronger, more compassionate, and more loving. All that was intended to harm her will be healed and what was intended for bad will be used for good. Our little ones at home will heal as well. How do I know? All the sin that created the pain has already been paid for and defeated. Cool thing right???

For my children God has shared with me;
Great shall be the peace of your children. Isaiah 54:13

And for myself;
For you shall go out with joy, And be led out with peace

Joy and peace while being led. That works for me!!


Amanda said...

So glad to see you've returned with an "enlightened" perspective of God's care for us, even in the midst of dark providences. He's good, and He's using you to help these girls heal.

Glad you enjoyed your refreshing weekend! May God bring a definite sense of peace to your home as you settle into a new "normal." (whatever that is!)

Anonymous said...

That is such a wonderful perspective Angela! I LOVE it. How awesome it is to know it's God issue to deal with and he already has the solution. And yes, God striped are for all healing and He WILL heal all your broken hearts. Love you and your willingness to be used by God.

Julie said...

[It is not my problem to solve!]

Amen, and amen! I am so glad you have caught this vision. Remember in Acts, Christ promised His followers, "I will give you power when..."

They weren't given power that day. It wasn't needed yet. Now, they had to be witnesses in Jerusalem, Judea and to the ends of the Earth. God has a different calling on your life. Being Christ's body, his hands and feet, the one making the calls, the one loving the unlovely, is physically, emotionally and spiritually hard. You will be given power when it is needed and not until it is needed.

Living by faith and praying you through you journey.

ange said...

LOVE YOU!!!!! and Thank you JESUS!

Beka said...

That is a beautiful post, my friend! God loves you and your family and He will take care of you!