Sunday, March 15, 2009

What are the plans for little Vilner?

The situation is such an odd one. I'm still not really sure WHAT happened. It was also a little over 2 years ago that we learned about Stephanie, Jude, and Lovenie's little brother Vilner. He's so very adorable! It was a neat little story.... A friend (dear Kez) sent us an email that their Birthmom and little brother stopped by to see the kids. Our reaction... "There is a little brother??!!". We had no idea! We prayed about this little boy a lot and wondered what God might have in store for him (and if it included us). When we called to request to adopt Jacques we decided we would ask about what the Mother's plans were for Vilner and asked the director of the O if there was anyway he could gently ask her and to let us know if she would want him adopted as well. Jim asked the director about it and the director was very quiet for a little bit. He asked Jim how we knew about the baby brother and we told him a friend had met him. He then shocked us by telling us that their mother had already come to him and asked him to ask us to adopt Vilner as well. He told her he didn't want us to feel pressured to do it so he would not mention anything about it to us and pray that God would have us find out about him if we were to know~ and He did! So, at the same time we requested to adopt Jacques we committed to adopting Vilner as well. Then months later our adoptions of Vilner and Jacques were both denied.

Here is the odd thing about it all~ I always felt that there was a reason that their Mom needed us to commit to the adoption of Vilner (for the time). I also never felt the same peace that he was going to be our child, the way I felt about the other four. There just wasn't the same connection. I thought maybe that would change once I met him (which I did just three days later). Nope. I adored him but there was no maternal connection. I talked with their Mom, in person, about adopting him and sensed a great reluctance. I could tell she did not really want him adopted. She said she would be willing to have us adopt him because she would want him to be with his brother and sister. I just knew in my gut it is not really what she wanted. I expected her to change her mind and back out of the adoption. So it was not really a surprise when two years later he still was never brought into the orphanage. We asked repeatedly what was going on and never received an answer. We assumed she had changed her mind and, honestly, we were thrilled for her and determined to help support him while he remained with her.

Friday night we learned that she changed her mind again and brought him to the orphanage asking that they would take him in and have us adopt him. She was told that it is now too late and he returned home with his mother. I have no idea what has been going on in the last two years, or what has changed now. I do believe now that he may not be intended to be part of our family (although still not totally sure). I have mixed feelings... I'll admit some of the feelings are relief. We have been dealing with dark issues that are way beyond regular post-adoption issues and most days we are just struggling through each day. We know that one of our children is mentally ill and that there is a family history of mental illness. I do think that if we were to add another child with mental illnesses to our family right now we would likely just fall to pieces. On the other hand, after learning about all the abuse and painful situations our children have endured it is so hard to not run to Haiti and bring him here. How could we just leave him and know that he is likely headed for the unimaginable pain and suffering our other children have endured??? It's a tough situation. One that requires lots and lots of prayer. It is so hard to not say yes to an adoption. We just need to wait on God's leading here. We'll see what he has in store for us. Until then we will most certainly be needing to be covering precious little Vilner in our prayers. Will you please pray for him with us?

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